The Game Show
by ZeldaLover29
Summary: Link has so many girls from so many games. How in the world will he choose? By entering a Game Show! If only he knew what was in store for the poor him...Rated T for suggestive questions and mild language. Read it!
1. Chapter 1

**Heey. This was just for fun! **

**I don't own this stuff! Kay? Good, we got that down. **

**Read and ENJOY! OR ELSE! Hear me?**

**I have Spring Break Madness. Or Boredom. But you get the story either way, so everyone's happy. Right? =D  
**

Before

Link sank-exhausted-onto the couch in Mayor Bo's house. He didn't bother putting back on his shirt, he was too hot. They had been practicing wrestling. Bo was no match for Link in speed, but his weight was extreme. There were times Link wondered if he weighed more then a Goron. The fact that Bo forbade him from using his Iron Boots didn't help.

"Something wrong, Link?" Bo asked. Link shook his head. He was too exhausted to speak. Bo nodded and clapped his hands together.

"I have the soup you made. It's in the fridge. Should I go get it?" He asked. Link nodded. Bo left for a little, and Link regained most of his breath. He reached out to take the soup when Bo handed it to him.

"What did you make that for, if you don't mind me asking?" He said, plopping into a chair opposite Link.

"Zelda. Pumpkin Spice is her favorite." Link smiled. Mayor Bo shook his head.

"Princess Zelda? I don't know, lad. You might have some trouble getting your hands on her."

"I don't-I don't want to _do _anything with her. She's just a friend." Link felt a bit of color creeping into his cheeks. He didn't know if it was Bo's comment, or his embarrassment at him thinking he liked Zelda in _that way_.

"Why don't you make soup for Ilia, then?" Bo smiled.

"She doesn't like any soup I'm capable of making." Link shrugged.

"Then you better learn. You'll have trouble getting any girl if you can't cook." Bo said.

"Then how did you get _your_ wife?" Link smirked slyly. Bo let out a booming laugh at Link's wit. His face became serious after a second.

"Seriously though, lad. These girls have gone a bit…crazy. Sooner you pick one the better." Bo said in earnestly. Link shook his head.

"I'm not like that Bo. I want to wait for someone I know I love." He stood up. Bo stood also.

"I know, lad. I know. Which is why I signed you up for a dating show."

"WHAT?" Link nearly dropped the soup. He couldn't believe his ears. A _dating _show. Bo had to be joking.

"Ooh. He's so handsome." A small voice came by the door. Link turned. Navi stood there, Ilia and Malon by her side. They stood staring at him with adoration. They walked inside and leaned up to him.

"Why aren't you wearing a shirt?" Ilia asked innocently.

"You go on the show in three days. Be prepared. I hear the host is slightly…uncensored." Bo settled on that word. He shook his head and left the room.

* * * * * * * 

Link sat in the chair on the stage. A screen door separated him from the seven contestants. He could see the audience, though. Almost everyone in Hyrule was there. A strange music came on.

"Welcome back to…Love Troubles!" A voice said behind Link. Someone flew over his head and landed on their feet in front of him.

"I'm your host, Sheik!" A roar of applause went up. Sheik bowed and walked to Link. He held a microphone that he held in front of his face mask.

"Our guest this week is…Link! Tell us about your dilemma, Link." Sheik shoved the Mike under Link's nose. Link sat there dumbfounded for a second.

"I…uh…well, seven girls think I should date them-"

"Fascinating! And let's meet these lovely ladies." Sheik pulled back the flimsy curtain to reveal seven young women. Sheik introduced each one.

"Navi, a small fairy from Kokiri forest."

"Hello." Navi piped up.

"Ilia, a girl from Ordon." Ilia waved.

"Malon, a girl from Lon Lon ranch." Malon waved and smiled.

"Saria, a Kokiri from Kokiri forest." Saria blushed and waved shyly.

"Ruto, princess of the Zoras. " Ruto smiled brightly and waved regally.

"Midna, princess of the Twili. From the twilight realm. Still in imp form, I see." Midna scowled at him.

"And last but not least, Zelda! Princess of Hyrule. Bearer of the Triforce of Wisdom. Bearer of light-"

"That will do, Sheik." Zelda interrupted kindly, but firmly. She smiled, but it was cruel. It looked like she could smell a vile stench off of him.

A curtain fell between the girls and Link.

"First question!" Sheik announced. "If Link came home stressed out, what would you do?" He flipped behind Link and pointed to a silhouette behind the curtain.

"Contestant number 1!"

"Um…I would…uh…give him some milk! It totally calms you down." Sheik looked wary.

"Contestant number 2?"

"I would take a bath with him!"

"OK…Number 3!"

"Slap some sense into that sissy. If he can't take a day at work, then he needs some attitude adjustment." Link's eyes widened in horror.

"4?" Sheik too looked horrified.

"I would take a walk with him."

"Good. 5?"

"Well…he would have to herd goats with me. I mean, it IS his job. I don't care how many monsters he fought. He has a duty."

"Uh…kay. 6."

"I would hug his hair." The small thing behind the curtain squeaked.

"Dear goddesses, tell me not all these chicks are crazy." Sheik whispered to Link.

"Sorry to disappoint you dude." Link muttered.

"Crap, how do you live?" Sheik shook his head. "Thank goodness you have me! Contestant 7!"

"I would make him some calming tea. Then I would watch the sunset with him." Link relaxed a little. That sounded fair. But a bath was nice too…

"Next question! Where would you like to go on a date? Contestant 1?"

"I ranch picnic!"

"Um…number 2?"

"Lake Hylia!"

"3?"

"Someplace shady. Where no one could see us. And certain OTHER things."

"Yeesh. 4?"

"The forest."

"5?"

"Horseback riding!"

"6?"

"A meadow!"

"Dare I ask…7?"

"A spiritual spring, no doubt. Perhaps a temple." Link nodded slowly. A lot of those places sounded good. But contestant three scared him.

"We so far have one SANE contestant. All the rest of you are crazies! Third question! Where would you live with Link? Number 1? Miss milk obsessed?"

"On a ranch. Duh."

"Yeah. That's a suitable place for a hero. Number 2?"

"My domain! Hell-oo?"

"Lets not be rude, girly. 3?"

"Twilight palace? Are you retarded, or something?"

"Someone grumpy today. 4?"

"The forest."

"Wild child. 5?"

"A ranch! In a town!"

"Someone get her medicine. 6?"

"Uh….um…A BOTTLE!" Contestant six blurted. Sheik stood there blinking.

"Ooo…kay…psycho…7?"

"Where he lives, now, of course. Or where I live. Wherever we find most comfortable and convenient."

"Finally, a little sanity. What would you do if Link cheated on you?"

"HEY! I wouldn't-"

"Please, Link. It's contestant 1 turn."

"I would be very upset with him."

"Wuss. 2?"

"Drown him! Or myself. Both of us! Then we would be together eternally!"

"Uhh…no words for that…3?"

"Kick his no good cheating ass! I would pound him to a mush and then make him eat his liver!" Link winced.

"…" Sheik was speechless. "Violent much? 4?"

"I…I would cry! What else could I do? What did I do wrong?" A sobbing came from the curtain. Link felt guilty. Sheik shook his head.

"5?"

"I would be devastated! How could he! I'm…perfect! He would never! I would trample him with goats!" Link leaned away from the curtain.

"Dear god, you freaks. 6?"

"Poke him in his eye!...it's all I can reach."

"…huh. 7?"

"I would punish him accordingly." Came a forceful voice. "Whether it be forcing him to not eat for a few days or zapping him. But if he truly loved me, he wouldn't cheat."

"Very well said. Wasn't that well said, Link?" Sheik asked. Link opened his mouth to answer, but Sheik interrupted.

"Would you spy on Link naked in the shower?" Sheik asked loudly. "1?"

"DUDE!" Link screamed.

"Link please. Contestant 1?"

"Heck yes!"

"Well well. 2?"

"I already have. Heehee."

"WHAT?" Link screamed.

"Naughty! 3?"

"Oh, I'd go farther then spying."

"Meep." Link squeaked, covering his private areas.

"OoOoh. 4?"

"Spying is wrong. But…yes."

"O-HO! 5?"

"Hell yeah! I mean, who wouldn't?"

"Indeed. 6?"

"He prefers hot water."

"Sly little thing, aren't you? Hot water, you say? 7?"

"No, you sick, perverted monkey!...but you would, wouldn't you?"

"W-wha-NO!" Sheik stammered.

"I feel even MORE violated." Link moaned, folding his legs.

"OK! Last question! Would you sleep with Link…before marriage?"

"WTF, DUDE!" Link leaped out of his seat.

"Link, please! Restrain yourself! Contestants?"

"Yes!"

"YEAH!"

"HELL YEAH!"

"Yes."

"Hell yes."

"DEFINATLY!"

"NO! Have you no shame, you stupid-"

"There is one more question!" Sheik interrupted, flipping to the front of the stage.

"What? You said it was done!" Link protested.

"_MY_ Questions are over. You can ask one question Link." Sheik said happily. Link sank into his chair and thought hard. He closed his eyes and tried to find out how he could discover the one girl he wouldn't mind dating.

"What's your favorite soup?" He asked suddenly.

"Milk!" Came a giggle.

"Fish soup!"

"I don't like soup." Came a snarl.

"Berry soup!"

"Cheese soup!"

"Sparkle soup!"

"Pumpkin Spice."

"Alright Link. It's time to choose! Who do you want? Contestant…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, or 7?" Sheik flipped happily to the curtain, ready to pull it back. Link took a deep breath.

"I choose…"

"Commercail Break!" Sheik yelled, jumping in front of him. A Giant Ad Came on.

**"LON LON MILK! THE THIRST QUENCHER OF HYRULE!" **

"OK, Link. Now choose." Sheik said mysteriously. Link narrowed his eyes.

"I choose..."

**Haha, cliffhanger. SUCK ON THAT! **

**Sorry. I really, really am. I'm gone temporarily insane. **

**So...who do YOU think Link should end up with? **

**More Importantly, can YOU guess which contestant is which girl? I await your responses eagerly. **

**Yes...so eagerly. **

**My little sister is playing with a naked baby doll. **

**God, I need a life. **

**Review, and tell me which girl is which! **

**Peace! c(:  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**The end of the story. I went with the girl who I like Link with. I don't hate the others, but it was a popular request. Also, I like the pairing. =D So...this is probably the most random chapter yet. But I thought it was funny. So...I don't own the characters, and yada blada blah. **

**Enjoy!  
**

"…7. Contestant 7." Link gulped.

"The winner is…Princess Zelda!" Sheik yelled, ripping open the curtain. Zelda stood up and smiled. The other girls had their reactions. Malon scowled. Ruto screamed. Midna flew up and punched Sheik. Ilia knocked her chair over. Saria cried. Navi squealed in disappointment.

"You go girl! I've wanted to do that since I met him." Zelda gave Midna a thumbs up. Midna stood panting over Sheik.

"And THIS is for mocking my imp form! And THIS is for calling me crazy!"

"I wasn't too off the mark." Sheik snarled. Midna kicked him in the nuts.

Link smiled and walked up to Zelda.

"So...uh…want to go to the Lanayru spring?" He asked, blushing fiercely.

"I would like that. I would like that a lot." Zelda smiled, taking his hand.

"Should we invite the others?" She asked, looking at the upset females.

"Nah. Let them cool off a little." Link shrugged. "I made you pumpkin spice soup." He said. Zelda bumped his shoulder.

"You rigged that last question."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"You're a horrible liar." Zelda poked his nose lightly. Link smiled. And together they walked to the Lanayru spring. The other girls looked after them.

"Sheik totally rigged that contest." Ilia snarled. Sheik turned and tried to walk away silently.

"HEY! Not so fast, you pervert!" Navi squeaked. They all ran and jumped on him. Sheik tried to squirm out of their grasp.

"No-please-need…AIR!" He gasped.

"I don't think so, you contest rigger!" Malon hissed. Saria sighed.

"Do you think…we can all still be friends?" She asked.

"Yeah!" Ruto said. "I know; we can plan their wedding!" All of them giggled. For they didn't really hate Zelda, they were just upset Link didn't choose them.

"Can I host?" Sheik asked.

"NO!" They all screamed at once. "But we can hook you up with someone, if you want." Midna smirked. Sheik thought for a second.

"Deal." He said finally.

"Oh, Ganondorf! We got you a date!" Navi giggled.

"Wait, GANONDORF?" Sheik gasped.

"Yep!" Ruto grinned. Ganondorf burst onto the stage.

"_LOVE ME_!" He bellowed.

"Meep." Sheik squeaked. The other six girls skipped off, going to spy on Link and Zelda.

…All's well that ends well. Sorta. Not for Sheik.

**Lets be upfront about why Sheik seems gay. **

**Sheik=Zelda. As far as we can tell, Zelda's strait. Therefore, she likes men. Sheik is Zelda, Zelda likes men. So Sheik would like men. I don't know, it's a guess. Only for this story, too. **

**And yes, all the girls are close friends. After all they've been through, how can they not be? **

**Review! NOW! Just click the little button...It wants it. It likes being pushed. **

**(That sounded kind of wrong.)  
**


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